Long Time No See
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit anxious about your future. When we want something really badly, we tend to get nervous about it and that anxiety manifests in different ways.
The truth of the matter is that worry has never moved anything forward, neither has fear nor regret. But you know all that so I will not waste any more words reminding you of these trite facts.
It is also worth mentioning that you do not have to define yourself by the skills or qualities you think you lack. When you hold on to these definitions they suffocate the potential out of you so that all you see is what is missing or impossible, and in doing so, you ignore the bounty of your being.
What if we learnt to constantly appreciate who and all that we are, never minding our perceived inadequacies. I’ve never been encouraged by the feeling that I am not enough or that something in my life is missing. At the same time, I forget all that I have in my power to do. So it results in a feeling of being stuck, even as the imprisonment is often self-inflicted.
Life is about moving forward, discovering new territory and acknowledging the responsibility that you have over your life. This responsibility means that if you want something, you go for it and commit to doing all that is within your power to do to get it. You are the one that calls the shots and decides what you will do and what you will not do. While things may not go according to your plan or expectation, it is important that at every moment you hold up your end of the bargain to yourself- being in a state of constant gratitude. In this way, you are more aware of how far you have come and all that you are today. You remember that every perceived mistake or misstep of the past is as good and useful a tool as your perceived successes. The only difference between them is perspective. Our life experiences are tools to help us, and it is our reaction to these experiences that shape our paths, not so much the experiences themselves.
So, you do not need to be a prisoner of your perceived inabilities or lack. But you choose to be so because you have clung on to a fixed idea of yourself- the idea that you are not enough in one way or the other. You have gotten comfortable with this idea because it is one that you have lived with for a while. The problem is that to focus on the question of your being enough is to rely on an external measurement. It may not feel external, because it is self-imposed, but it is. And we can tell that this attitude is not from within because it does nothing to propel us forward. It acts as a distraction by making us look outside of ourselves to define ourselves. This often takes us in a circle to nowhere. Hence the sense of stagnation. One desire of your soul is that you see yourself in light of all that you are and grow by allowing the world to experience all of you. There is no question of sufficiency in view of the abundance of your being.
It is your being that lights the world. This includes the laughter and tears you erupt in people. The mistakes you make that others will learn from. The good you do that all will benefit from. All of you is meaningful and has its place in the scheme of things. The focus of your mind should never be on your perceived lack, but always in constant gratitude for the space you take up in the world and the benefit that you and others enjoy just from your being yourself.
So don’t put yourself in a box or reduce your being to a check-list of have and have-not. Know that you are as infinite as the universe that surrounds you. Don’t doubt it. Enjoy it. And express your being.
For in the end, that is what is important, that around you people feel the warmth of the sun and appreciate the green of the grass and the blue in the skies. You may not make people laugh, but you might help them to think. You may not make people dance, but you might help them to sleep better at night. Whatever it is that you do, keep doing it. And don’t hold back, because when you hold back many lives, including yours, miss out. Let the world experience the bounty of your being.
For all of you is wonderful. Even the so-called unqualified parts. What qualifies you is the love that you give in your own way. It may not be hugs or kisses or smiles. It may be rough and tough. Whatever it is, know that it is meaningful in the scheme of things.
So thank you.
For being the wonderful you.
And on that note, just do it.